January is known as the “divorce month” in the matrimonial law community. There is a large influx of divorce filings and regardless if you are one of the top divorce lawyers in NYC or just someone who recently started their practice as a divorce attorney, you will experience a great surge in business this month. Many New York divorce attorneys think that it’s related to the holidays in December the desire for many parents to save their kids from the trauma of divorce. Statistics continuously support this “Christmas In January” for divorce lawyers trend. While this is good news for us, I certainly don’t think that waiting until January or any other month, season or occasion to terminate a bad marriage is in the best interest of those getting divorced. Here is why.
Time and tide wait for no man. Time is the most expansive and valuable commodity that we have in this life. Humans fail to realize it since we never know when our time is up. But once we are faced with a grim understanding that our time is ending, we then we look back and regret all the time we have wasted. If you are in a bad marriage, and what makes a bad marriage is a much longer discussion, every minute remaining in this predicament is time wasted. Top divorce lawyers in NYC that deal with bad marriages everyday will certainly affirm that after seeing many of the relationships get dissolved, one of the most common regrets that divorced couples have is failing to realize and terminate a bad marriage much sooner.
Another important thing we learn very quickly as divorce lawyers in NYC is that marriage problems do not fix themselves. Holidays, tax seasons, school schedules and time of the year can’t fix them either. Every relationship has a set of fundamental pillars that are love, trust, communication, and respect. Once these pillars are damaged, they need to be repaired. If left broken, these pillars will eventually give in under the pressures of life and everything that is built above and attached to them will fall and crumble. Missing an entire pillar or pillars means that the relationship is already lost and that all that the couple has done is cover the ruins with a tarp of lies and pretenses so that everyone around them doesn’t realize what happened. By working as a divorce lawyer in NYC, we are there when the covers are lifted and the truth is revealed. I can tell you that its never a good feeling when you are staring at an ugly reality of a bad marriage and it’s allot harder to accept it when you have lied to yourself an others about it for so long.
Finally, top divorce lawyers in NYC, will advise that by staying in a bad marriage, you allow it’s main negative effects and side effects to get stronger and infect everyone and everything around you. Many people use their children to justify staying in a toxic relationship thinking that there is a better time and place for the children to learn about their parents’ faulty marriage. My opinion is that this is always the wrong decision. Children observe and learn much about life and relationships from their parents. Their attitude, norms and expectations related to romantic relationships are solidified by watching their parents and using their marriage as an example. Children are also usually much smarter and observant then what parents give them credit for. As such, pretending and covering up for their sake becomes a terrible lesson for them and has the power of shaping their thinking to accept unhappiness and mistreatment as a standard. But the toxicity of staying in a bad marriage spreads allot further then just children of the marriage. Families, friends and the spouses themselves are adversely effected. During consultations, I frequently tell my clients that a bad marriage is very much like cancer. If it’s not treated or cut out swiftly, it will consume you and have a negative effect on everyone around you.
Here is the bottom line: If you are in a bad marriage, leave and terminate it ASAP. Don’t use the time of the year, other people’s advice, calendar or even a watch to tell you the time to walk away. The only pause you should take is a moment of being honest with yourself and determining if your relationship is worth saving or CAN be saved. If the two of you went through some rough times AND your core pillars (love, trust, communication, and respect) are damaged but each is still standing, you AND your partner must commit to repair them, roll up your sleeves and go to work immediately. Use therapists, family, friends and strangers to help you by being honest and asking for help if you need it. DON’T run to divorce lawyers. Otherwise, don’t wait for January or any other month, call one of the top divorce lawyers in NYC, get it done and move on.