What should you tell your kids about divorce – Long Island Divorce Lawyer
The scariest part of divorce for some parents can be how it may negatively impact their children. There is always a lot of stress and anxiety about having to tell your children that you and your spouse are no longer going to be together. This is never going to be an easy conversation, and finding the right time, and right words to say is extremely important as it will shape the next weeks, months, and even years of your family’s life. While children are naïve, they pick up on more than we think they do. Just because you think your child is not witnessing the actual discussions about your separation, it is more than likely they are picking up on social cues or body language. Moreover, with the current divorce rate, it is also likely that your child probably knows another child in school who has divorced parents. This means they probably have some sort of pre-conceived notion about divorce whether it’s good or bad. Many parents do not know what to say and will make the mistake of saying too little or too much. According to Long Island Divorce Lawyer, how you start this process will frame how your family will function going forward.
Take some time to really plan out the conversation you are going to have with your children. As far as timing goes, you should also wait until there is an official decision on separation to avoid confusion among all parties. If possible, try to do it with your partner to show your child that you are still going to be a united front when it comes to their upbringing. Additionally, take time to plan out the exact words you are going to say, and try to anticipate the questions that will likely follow. Children are going to have a lot of questions, especially about the logistics of what is to follow. They will want to know where they will live, who they will live with, when they will see who. All of these are questions to be expected, so it’s helpful if you already have these answers figured out before you have the conversation.
The most important element when having this difficult conversation with your children is to try to refrain from disparaging or putting down the other parent. You never want to blame the other parent as hard as it may be. No matter the age, your child is likely to have many questions, and may even ask or put blame on one parent without even noticing. This is why planning out what you are going to share is key. Long Island Divorce lawyer recommends to avoid oversharing when having this conversation. You should never she the intimate details of why you and your partner are separating. Despite the age of your child, it is not for them to know why a relationship is ending. You can try explaining that it is an adult matter, that this wasn’t an easy decision, or that you just weren’t good for each other anymore. This can be especially difficult when talking about separation with teenagers. They are going to be extremely curious of what happened and why, but it is important to try and keep them from these details. While you should avoid the details and oversharing you also must be honest of the logistics of what’s happening when having this conversation with your children. Say the word “Divorce.” Avoid saying “daddy will be living apart for a while” or “nothing will change!” Things will change, it is the end of a marriage, but not the end of a family. This is not to intend to sugar coat this process, but because children need to feel a sense of belonging. Just because their home will be different, children need to continue to feel a life with each of their parent. Long Island Divorce Lawyer says to give reassurance. Throughout the conversation continue to reassure your child that they are still loved, this is not their fault, they will see each parent enough. Be expected for big emotions to follow. Let them know that these emotions are ok to have.
Key Takeaways
The logistics of what the future holds is important. Visual schedules might even help as well especially when it comes to holidays. Children are self-centered, they want to know where they are going to be when and if you can help them understand this you will likely relive a lot of stress. Long Island Divorce Lawyer says to not be afraid to tell your children if something is not worked out yet. If there is a grey area, do not give an answer on the spot. Tell your children it’s not worked out yet and you will get back to them. You can try saying something such as “we have not figured that out yet, but we are working on it, and you will be the first to know.” Avoid filling in the blanks just for the sake of it. Minimize transition as much as possible. Plan ahead so that the children know what is coming next instead of springing anything on them. While your marriage has changed, your children’s needs have not.
I’m a top rated Long Island Divorce Lawyer and I can tell you this is not a one and done conversation. It is a series of conversations that will continue throughout their lives. This first conversation is so critical because it lays the groundwork that this is something that can be talked about and should be talked about.
