Best divorce lawyers and family attorneys in New York will tell you that whether you are litigating in court or negotiating a settlement, winter holidays can be a great time to help the sides reach a compromise because it’s during these times we are reminded about the goodness in this world and important things in life that matter. Here are my thoughts and suggestions.
The holidays are here but for you, the season of lights and festivities brings anxiety and stress. You are going through a divorce. Your journey through this complicated and painful legal, psychological and emotional process must continue during the holidays. Don’t fear! Instead of feeling envious and frustrated by all the happy people and families around, you can use the holidays to help get your divorce closer to conclusion. This should certainly make your season bright.
Step One – Remember The Past. This is the most painful step for may who are going through a divorce. You must come to terms with the past and embrace it as an integral part of your life. It’s easy to see your spouse in the negative light. Best divorce lawyers and family attorneys in New York know that animosity and drama in the process of divorce can extend the cases and complicate them. It’s much harder to find good things about your spouse today since now, they have become your sworn adversaries. However, it wasn’t always this way. Remember your first holiday season together. Remember what you did, how you felt and what this person meant to you back then. Think about the holidays you spent together when you were married and the happy and fun moments you shared. There may be some bad memories as well, but leave those out, they will not help. The purpose of this exercise is to help you see that deep beneath the hate and anger you may be feeling now towards your spouse lies the fact that there was a time you shared happy moments together and felt good about each other. This person will always be a part of your life, the experience you had to go through and the lesson you had to learn. Being able to find a positive qualities in the worst of adversaries can help you see the bigger picture and open doors to compromise.
Step Two – Accept The Present. Your relationship is over. Your spouse will not be there this holiday season, nor the holiday seasons that will come after. There is no nice way of saying this, but you may need to take out the words “Happy” and “Marry” before the holidays this season. And that’s ok because many people go through tough times during the holidays for many different reasons and you are certainly not alone. Don’t pretend it’s not happening or fake it. Don’t try to replace your spouse for yourself or your children with someone else for the sake of just filling the gap. This is just not your year and you need to accept it and look forward to the next holiday season. Use these holidays that are marred by divorce as down time to focus on yourself and figure out your next step in your divorce process and in your life. Also, best divorce lawyers and family attorneys in New York should recommend that you make the best of your relationships with people around you that play an important role in your life. Become a part of making their holidays happy and marry. Know that divorce will not last forever and your happy holiday season will come very soon.
Step Three – Try To Make Peace. The holidays are a great time to offer an olive brach to your ex. Holidays have a way of reminding us about the beautiful and heart warming experiences that we are often too busy to notice. We spend holidays surrounded by our families and loved ones that are there for us through all of our difficult times, divorce certainly being one of the worst. Best divorce lawyers and family attorneys in New York will tell you that no matter how much you hate someone, it’s always harder to hate them during the holiday season. This is why it’s the best time to attempt an amicable resolution in your divorce case. You can possibly get through to the meanest of grinches during this time of the year. If there is no order of protection, set up a time to speak to your ex in person. This is the best and time tested way to communicate. If you can’t, write an actual letter, the one that you write on paper and mail with a stamp. Reach out in a way that’s meaningful and shows the other side that you put allot of thought and care into this effort. Speak from your heart and lay it all out. Conclude by telling them that you are ready to move on and want to find a way to compromise outside of the courts, lawyers, and other strangers that don’t know both of you, your children and your lifestyle. Of course, this may be a giant waste of time and you will have to continue the fight in court so you will need to have the best divorce lawyers and family attorneys in New York by your side. But you will know you tried and took the higher road. And maybe, just maybe, with the help of a little holiday magic, your efforts will be rewarded and you can end your divorce earlier and have Christmas in July!